This blog post is the potatoes

Recently I was trying to check out a video on Tudou.com, which according to wikipedia is “one of the largest video-sharing website in People’s Republic of China.” Unfortunately the video was no longer available so an error page came up in its place.

Original Error Message

Just as I was about to give up on ever seeing the video or even understanding the error, Google stepped in to rescue me from ignorance. “Madeline, do not worry!” Google said. “I will translate this page into English for you!” I breathed a sign of relief and prepared to bask in Google’s infinite knowledge.

Google’s Translation

The page doesn’t exist? Man, that really is the potatoes.  You know what else is the potatoes?  Google’s translation of the entire page. [Click to view it full screen]

Number of times a phrase that includes the word “potatoes” is on this page, according to Google Translate: 6

  • “If you think this is the potatoes…” (…Then just wait for what’s in store! :D )
  • “My potatoes”  (Collect your favorite pictures of potatoes here!)
  • “Potatoes small customer” (This hyperlink leads to “The Potatoes Help System,” which helps you identify the type of potato you are looking at)
  • “Potatoes recommended” (Don’t know where to start in your search for potato pics? Click here for user recommendations!)
  • “Please read carefully the potatoes, use agreements and copyright policy” (This isn’t all fun and games. Don’t forget about our strict Potato Policy)
  • “Copyright © 2005 – 2012 potatoes” (Bringing you the best Potato-themed social network since 2005!)

I never got to see the video but I’m pretty sure that Google’s translation of the error page was far more entertaining than it would have been anyway. If anyone reading this knows Chinese, can you explain how this happened? I really am curious potatoes.

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Acid Rain Conditioner – only 99 cents!

Me in the the grocery store:

I need a new conditioner! Hmm, last month I bought an expensive one and it wasn’t all that. I think I’ll go back to the cheapo now.

[Madeline reaches her hand toward a bottle of Suave but is distracted by a LOWER PRICE]

Wait… what’s this? White Rain Energizing Citrus …Ninety-nine cents. Good NIGHT they’re practically giving this stuff away! Whew…I’m so glad I realized that expensive conditioner isn’t worth the money.

[Dark clouds form overhead. Madeline puts the White Rain Energizing Citrus conditioner into her cart. She does not notice the ominous dark clouds even though she’s indoors and that really isn’t normal]

Fast forward to the next morning. I’m in the shower, putting on the conditioner, and completely damning my frugality to hell. Because White Rain’s Energizing Citrus is literally the worst conditioner (energizing or otherwise) that I have ever tried. Here’s why:

1) The “Energizing Citrus” scent is horrible. Although its smell does indeed “energize” me to get the hell out of the shower, by “citrus” they must mean “citrus-smelling floor cleaner commonly used in nursing homes.”

2) The consistency of this product is somewhere between relish and a watery salad dressing. This would not be an appealing condiment and it is certainly not an appealing conditioner texture.

3) Back to the smell, because I just remembered another thing it reminds me of: throw-up disinfectant. Seriously, throw some sawdust in the shower and the next person would be all “Hey, who threw up in here?”

4) What is “white rain” anyway? Acid rain? What other kind of rain would be white?

“But Madeline,” you say, “I don’t care about conditioner. I’m sure you are exaggerating.”

You’re right, I am doing that. But please do not underestimate how awful this conditioner is! Honestly, you would be better off if you just poured melted butter all over your hair and sprayed it with Febreeze. Your hair will be softer and it’ll smell better too.