Has anyone see Hope Springs? Yeah me neither. I caught the poster though, and Meryl’s face really seemed familiar to me. Almost as though she had made it several times before…
Meryl Streep’s “The Coy Flibbertigibbet” ®
Endearingly bashful. Always on the verge of a chuckle. Coy as hell.
Usually this face is accompanied by either a head tilt or a hand over the mouth. And Meryl doesn’t need a man to show us her flibbertigibbetness (at least not on the poster). Here she is makin’ the face with microphones, violins, and door frames!
Yep, Meryl had done that face before. But that’s not the only one. Meryl is a versatile actress with no less than seventeen Academy Award nominations under her belt. Obviously she has other faces in her movie poster repertoire.
Meryl Streep’s “Don’t You Effing MESS with Me Right Now” ®
Always appears to be thinking: “You’ve got to be kidding. Wow… what you just said? Literally, like,
the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. I WEAR GLASSES AND I’M REALLY SERIOUS.”
Perhaps the most perfect example of her “DYEMWM” face didn’t appear on the movie poster, at least in the US.
There’s one more face I’ve noticed, and its the most prevalent yet plainest yet *MOST AMAZING MERYL FACE OF ALL*
Meryl’s Streep’s “Enough Tension in Her Lips to Pop out a Diamond” ®
In Meryl’s words: The closed-mouth smile conveys the strongest sense of dignity one can
possibility expect to maintain on a movie poster. It does not distract from my eyes, however, which truly are the
breadwinners of my face. Each eye has it’s own Academy Award, and as of my 2012 Oscar win, I now have an extra.
Subsequently, I am currently workshopping a third eye that I hope to grow in the center of my forehead.
As you can see, Meryl has perfected the closed mouth smile. But unlike the rest of us, who mostly just use it when there’s a picture being taken and we’re like 80% sure there’s broccoli in our teeth, Meryl uses it to convey a range of emotions that take moviegoers on journeys of the heart. Takes these movies for instance:
Meryl has to battle with the ex-wife of her current man, who from this angle appears to be Queer Eye’s Carson Kressley. His ex-wife (played by Roseanne, at what we can only assume was the high point of her career) has the super-human ability to burst into flames and loves to torment the couple. In a pivotal scene, Roseanne photobombs them when they’re just trying to get a portrait done at JC Penny.
The Iron Lady
Meryl is the wealthy widow of Jared (of The Jared Galleria of Jewelry fame). One day, after visiting her chiropractor to treat her debilitating neck condition that causes it to rest at a rather uncomfortable 70º angle, she refuses to spare a dollar for the homeless woman outside the office. The woman casts a spell that will turn Meryl into an iron statue if she doesn’t change her greedy ways.
Meryl, along with her two imaginary friends Elle Prittyhare and Myrtle Frounsalot (guess which one is played by Nicole Kidman…) has to wait at the DMV to renew her license. While waiting, she meets a mysterious florist who promises her that he will change her life by the time she leaves. Meryl learns a lot that day about patience (everyone told her not to go to the DMV on the last day of the month!!), opening yourself up to love (first step: stop imagining friends), and horticulture (Meryl gets a life-changing tip on how to make cut flowers last longer).
All of this goes to say that Meryl has a mouth that’s interesting on its own. She barely has to do anything with her face and my reaction to 90% of her movie posters is still: I want to see that.
1) A Hunting Outfit
Taking a page from this season’s hunting sportswear, Gap has paired their “Super Skinny Twill Pants” with their “Stitch Turtleneck Sweater.” What an interesting and fashionable reappropriation of the clothes worn by those who kill animals for sport! Finally, the voices of women country-wide have been heard. I can’t even tell you how many times I have wanted to look like I am about to go out and kill deer and been so disappointed that no casual, everyday, non-regulation hunting clothes for women existed.
Just wondering – does Gap know that hunters wear bright orange with camouflage not because it LOOKS GOOD but because it is often required by law as a measure to prevent hunters from accidentally shooting each other?
2) At worst a straight jacket, at best a thing your four year old daughter made
I’m getting such a straight jacket vibe from this, although that may just be because I can’t imagine anyone putting this on unless it was against their will.
Here’s some of what Gap has to say about their “Military Jacket:”
“Long dolman sleeves” – Oh great, dolman sleeves! THOSE ALWAYS FLATTER.
“Rear shoulder yoke with folded edge” – I can’t… what does that even mean? To break it down: the jacket has a shoulder yoke… in the rear…. and the edge of said yoke is folded. Okay… neat. From what I understand, the yoke helps to shape and improves the fit of the jacket. So I think the only important thing in this case is that THE YOKE FAILED.
“Relaxed, blousy fit” – Uh, when it looks like someone could smuggle a sandwich tray under the jacket, I think “relaxed fit” goes without saying.
3) This sweater
Seriously, Gap, I’m not asking you to go all Ralph Lauren on your models, but when the picture comes out like this…
You need to do some light photoshopping! Or just reshoot the model except this time have her wear a sweater that’s two sizes smaller in the waist then this one! Or just burn the sweater! I don’t know.
This woman is probably 6 foot tall and 110 pounds, but with the sweater on she looks pretty darn average. C’mon, Gap, fool us a little bit!!! If a gorgeous, impossibly thin model looks like a lumpy, bloated potato in this sweater than what the hell hope is there for the rest of us??
Recently I was trying to check out a video on Tudou.com, which according to wikipedia is “one of the largest video-sharing website in People’s Republic of China.” Unfortunately the video was no longer available so an error page came up in its place.
Original Error Message
Just as I was about to give up on ever seeing the video or even understanding the error, Google stepped in to rescue me from ignorance. “Madeline, do not worry!” Google said. “I will translate this page into English for you!” I breathed a sign of relief and prepared to bask in Google’s infinite knowledge.
The page doesn’t exist? Man, that really is the potatoes. You know what else is the potatoes? Google’s translation of the entire page. [Click to view it full screen]
Number of times a phrase that includes the word “potatoes” is on this page, according to Google Translate: 6
- “If you think this is the potatoes…” (…Then just wait for what’s in store! :D )
- “My potatoes” (Collect your favorite pictures of potatoes here!)
- “Potatoes small customer” (This hyperlink leads to “The Potatoes Help System,” which helps you identify the type of potato you are looking at)
- “Potatoes recommended” (Don’t know where to start in your search for potato pics? Click here for user recommendations!)
- “Please read carefully the potatoes, use agreements and copyright policy” (This isn’t all fun and games. Don’t forget about our strict Potato Policy)
- “Copyright © 2005 – 2012 potatoes” (Bringing you the best Potato-themed social network since 2005!)
I never got to see the video but I’m pretty sure that Google’s translation of the error page was far more entertaining than it would have been anyway. If anyone reading this knows Chinese, can you explain how this happened? I really am curious potatoes.