The three faces Meryl Streep makes on movie posters

Has anyone see Hope Springs? Yeah me neither. I caught the poster though, and Meryl’s face really seemed familiar to me. Almost as though she had made it several times before…

Meryl Streep’s “The Coy Flibbertigibbet” ®

 Endearingly bashful. Always on the verge of a chuckle. Coy as hell. 

Hope Springs wasn’t the first time Meryl looked lovingly at a man with her hand over her mouth!

Usually this face is accompanied by either a head tilt or a hand over the mouth. And Meryl doesn’t need a man to show us her flibbertigibbetness (at least not on the poster). Here she is makin’ the face with microphones, violins, and door frames!

The violin makes Meryl feel the same way that Jack, Tommy, and Clint did.

Yep, Meryl had done that face before. But that’s not the only one.  Meryl is a versatile actress with no less than seventeen Academy Award nominations under her belt.  Obviously she has other faces in her movie poster repertoire.

Meryl Streep’s “Don’t You Effing MESS with Me Right Now” ®

Always appears to be thinking: “You’ve got to be kidding. Wow… what you just said?  Literally, like,
the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.  I WEAR GLASSES AND I’M REALLY SERIOUS.”

Perhaps the most perfect example of her “DYEMWM” face didn’t appear on the movie poster, at least in the US.

“You think this is the first time I was omitted from a movie poster? So predictable. There’s always some large trident-healed stiletto graphic gunning to take my place. But you know, they love me abroad, and inevitably I’m added to the posters upon the movie’s release in Europe. I never thought I’d say this, but I see a lot of myself in the Europeans.”

There’s one more face I’ve noticed, and its the most prevalent yet plainest yet *MOST AMAZING MERYL FACE OF ALL*

Meryl’s Streep’s “Enough Tension in Her Lips to Pop out a Diamond” ®

In Meryl’s words: The closed-mouth smile conveys the strongest sense of dignity one can
possibility expect to maintain on a movie poster. It does not distract from my eyes, however, which truly are the
breadwinners of my face. Each eye has it’s own Academy Award, and as of my 2012 Oscar win, I now have an extra.
Subsequently, I am currently workshopping a third eye that I hope to grow in the center of my forehead.

As you can see, Meryl has perfected the closed mouth smile. But unlike the rest of us, who mostly just use it when there’s a picture being taken and we’re like 80% sure there’s broccoli in our teeth, Meryl uses it to convey a range of emotions that take moviegoers on journeys of the heart. Takes these movies for instance:

She Devil
Meryl has to battle with the ex-wife of her current man, who from this angle appears to be Queer Eye’s Carson Kressley. His ex-wife (played by Roseanne, at what we can only assume was the high point of her career) has the super-human ability to burst into flames and loves to torment the couple. In a pivotal scene, Roseanne photobombs them when they’re just trying to get a portrait done at JC Penny.

The Iron Lady
Meryl is the wealthy widow of Jared (of The Jared Galleria of Jewelry fame). One day, after visiting her chiropractor to treat her debilitating neck condition that causes it to rest at a rather uncomfortable 70º angle, she refuses to spare a dollar for the homeless woman outside the office. The woman casts a spell that will turn Meryl into an iron statue if she doesn’t change her greedy ways.

The Hours
Meryl, along with her two imaginary friends Elle Prittyhare and Myrtle Frounsalot (guess which one is played by Nicole Kidman…) has to wait at the DMV to renew her license. While waiting, she meets a mysterious florist who promises her that he will change her life by the time she leaves. Meryl learns a lot that day about patience (everyone told her not to go to the DMV on the last day of the month!!), opening yourself up to love (first step: stop imagining friends), and horticulture (Meryl gets a life-changing tip on how to make cut flowers last longer).

All of this goes to say that Meryl has a mouth that’s interesting on its own. She barely has to do anything with her face and my reaction to 90% of her movie posters is still: I want to see that.

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