Stretch velvet best used sparingly

While browsing a Goodwill recently I came across something very special: an old remnant from White Stag’s “Must Have Stretch Velvet” line.

Ah yes. The wardrobe-completing, essential, “MUST HAVE” ankle-length, long sleeve, crew neck, black stretch velvet dress.

If you farted in this dress I don't think the smell would ever come out.

Instead of marketing this dress as part of a witch costume (which is actually what I look like thanks to the boots I paired with it) or something to wear if your entire body is covered in sunburn (and it is also -30° outside), WHITE[cartoon deer]STAG© so boldly suggests that you make it part of one of your everyday ensembles.

Boy am I an idiot. That's why it looks so bad on me - I forgot to add a sash! LOL

That model is gorgeous and in amazing shape so somehow she can wear that dress and NOT appear to be completely covered in carpet but I think the rest of us are out of luck.  I guess you can’t expect too much from a clothing label named after deer afflicted with a rare genetic disorder.