1) A Hunting Outfit
Taking a page from this season’s hunting sportswear, Gap has paired their “Super Skinny Twill Pants” with their “Stitch Turtleneck Sweater.” What an interesting and fashionable reappropriation of the clothes worn by those who kill animals for sport! Finally, the voices of women country-wide have been heard. I can’t even tell you how many times I have wanted to look like I am about to go out and kill deer and been so disappointed that no casual, everyday, non-regulation hunting clothes for women existed.
Just wondering – does Gap know that hunters wear bright orange with camouflage not because it LOOKS GOOD but because it is often required by law as a measure to prevent hunters from accidentally shooting each other?
2) At worst a straight jacket, at best a thing your four year old daughter made
I’m getting such a straight jacket vibe from this, although that may just be because I can’t imagine anyone putting this on unless it was against their will.
Here’s some of what Gap has to say about their “Military Jacket:”
“Long dolman sleeves” – Oh great, dolman sleeves! THOSE ALWAYS FLATTER.
“Rear shoulder yoke with folded edge” – I can’t… what does that even mean? To break it down: the jacket has a shoulder yoke… in the rear…. and the edge of said yoke is folded. Okay… neat. From what I understand, the yoke helps to shape and improves the fit of the jacket. So I think the only important thing in this case is that THE YOKE FAILED.
“Relaxed, blousy fit” – Uh, when it looks like someone could smuggle a sandwich tray under the jacket, I think “relaxed fit” goes without saying.
3) This sweater
Seriously, Gap, I’m not asking you to go all Ralph Lauren on your models, but when the picture comes out like this…
You need to do some light photoshopping! Or just reshoot the model except this time have her wear a sweater that’s two sizes smaller in the waist then this one! Or just burn the sweater! I don’t know.
This woman is probably 6 foot tall and 110 pounds, but with the sweater on she looks pretty darn average. C’mon, Gap, fool us a little bit!!! If a gorgeous, impossibly thin model looks like a lumpy, bloated potato in this sweater than what the hell hope is there for the rest of us??
I was in third grade. My teacher called my class to the front for “carpet time.” You know, where you sat for what seemed like forever and talked about a book / spelling words / “What is soil?” / the “guess and check” method / “everyone put what you know about Christopher Columbus in the “K” column!” / “Here is a video about staying away from strangers” / “Friends, we really need to discuss who poured all the glue on the lizard cage.” I distinctly remember my outfit:
- An oversized white t shirt, probably from some vacation I didn’t even go on (thanks a lot family hand-me-downs)
- White mountain clogs that gave me an extra two inches so I was able to tower over short teachers in addition to my entire grade
- Forest green pleated stirrup pants
I looked down in my lap and noticed that my cotton forest green stirrup pants had begun to pill. Sweet, something to do during boring carpet time. I began to pull the little fluff balls off my pants. I looked around the room, curious if any other girl was doing the same thing.
Huh, that’s weird. No one else is wearing anything but jeans today.
Am I the only one that still wears these?
I was suddenly so embarrassed. How could I not have noticed the sea of blue denim surrounding the Island of Overgrown Moss that was my stirrup pants?? I couldn’t even remember the last time I had seen a pair of stirrup pants that wasn’t on a rerun of Clarissa Explains it All. I had this horrible feeling that everyone in my class had been laughing at my pants for a long time. Oh god… I wear these like twice a week!
For the rest of the day, I felt like my stirrup pants were the pleated forest green elephant in the room. I hid my ankles as well as I could but it wasn’t easy, given that my clogs basically provided a stage for them.
Even though no one ever said anything mean to me about those pants or even looked at them funny, I never wore them again. My love for them dissolved as quickly as you could say “Oh no, I’m standing out.” Which is pretty dumb, isn’t it? A kid that young should just wear what they want, right? They shouldn’t have to care. Isn’t it kinda sad that I stopped wearing those stirrup pants that I loved so much just because no one else did?
Well…no. You really have no idea what those things looked like in person. Yeah, that moment on the carpet sticks out as the first time I felt pressure to be like everyone else. But more importantly, it was also the moment I began to suspect how unflattering stirrup pants truly are.
I haven’t posted on here in a while! I guess I’ve been so busy with graduating, interning, and doing other things that I’m…I don’t know…happy about, I haven’t had the time to focus my cynical energy on the world around me. Fortunately a recent shopping trip had renewed my contempt for all things retail.