A short play inspired by some inappropriate Bahamian jewelry

Hi. This is my cart of stuff I sell.  On it you will find scrunchies, half blown up balloons, and overtly sexual wooden pendants.

While I can certainly understand the purpose (if not the appeal) of wearing one of the lovely “message pendants” shown above, I feel like the one with just a “69” might not adequately convey the intended message.  Below, a short play.

 Hold the Pickles Please: a Seduction by the Deep Fryer


Overtly sexual pendent wearer: Male/Female, mid forties. Extroverted.

McDonald’s Employee: Male, age 16. Took the job to save up for a car. Earns minimum wage. Close with family, well liked by peers. Just wants to get through work and go home.


OVERTLY SEXUAL PENDENT WEARER: [approaches counter] Hi, do you like my necklace? I don’t know if you thought the number on it was my age or like the number of my favorite football player but just so you know it refers to a thing that I like to do sexually.

MC DONALD’S EMPLOYEE:  I’m just supposed to take your order and hand you your food. [pause, remembering] Welcome to McDonald’s.

OSPW: Oh okay. [quickly glances at menu] Fries. But like I didn’t know if you thought that it was my lucky number or if it referred to the item count of a collection I have of like stamps or buttons or state quarters or whatever-

MCDE: What size?

OSPW: Uh…Medium. Back to my necklace.  I just want you to know and…

MCDE: [talking over, loudly] For here or to go?

OSPW:  …UNDERSTAND that the number is code for a thing that I like to do…

MCDE: I’ll just bag them for you…

OSPW: [interrupting] sexually.

Silence. Both stand still for a moment listening to the bustling sounds around them. A cash register beeps.

MCDE: Please stop propositioning me.