I’m sorry, okay?
When I jokingly wrote about a three piece camouflage furniture set in a blog post about the Bass Pro Shops Master Catalogue I did not expect it to be such a blog view magnet. And truthfully…it isn’t. Well not for the average blog reader at least. More for people shopping online for a living room set that you could hide in the forest at a moment’s notice.
I didn’t even know that shopping for camo furniture online was, well… done. But there’s no denying it anymore, as evidenced by some of the most popular search terms that lead people to this blog. I’m talking about every possible combination of
- camo / camouflage
- living room / bedroom
- furniture / set(s) / couch / chair(s) / recliner(s) / covers
…. including redundancies such as “Camo furniture chairs” and “Camo furniture camouflage.” And then there were additional “creative” spellings such as:
- Camoflage furniture
- Camoflause furnature
- Camoflauge furtuner
- Camaflouge funiture
- Camo furtiner
PLUS some interesting “search phrases” that I would love to know the story behind:
- Camofurnature.com – Wow, so sure of the spelling that you’re shooting straight for the website, huh?
- “The Real Camo Furniture” – COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU
- “simple camo living rooms” – None of that gaudy shit for me! I want the kind of camouflage furniture Martha Stewart would design.
So in short: I’m sorry that the Bass Pro Shops Master Catalogue 2011 blog post was so incredibly misleading, search-wise. And sorry that this one will no doubt epically mislead as well. I mean obviously I would hope that people would find my blog by googling things like “hilarious camouflage furniture satire” but we can’t win them all. People with camouflage furniture in their living room sure don’t.
I was like
“Oh. What a gigantic waste of paper.”
But I’m a huge fan of catalogs. We get dozens of them at my house and I read them all, everything from woman’s apparel catalogs like Chadwicks (that specialize in clogs and multicolored suede), to old standbys like Harry and David and LL Bean, to even the lesser known ones like Doheny’s Water Warehouse (that seem boring but are actually goldmine time wasters). Catalogs emit some sort of mystical energy from their glossy cores that immediately:
1) Alerts me of their existence in a room
2) Compels me to read them from cover to cover
And despite my initial misgivings things were no different with this whopper. With 700 pages ahead of me full of crap from “The World’s Leading Supplier of Premium Fishing Tackle” I cleared my schedule for the evening. Here are some things from the catalog that I want.
*~*Madeline‘s BaSs PrO sHoPs WISH LIST 2011*~*
1) This t-shirt, for ironic value
I also like this one
because based on the dog’s face I can assume only assume it stands for “NO! WTF!?”
2) Blow up chair for my room.
Takes me back to the days of elementary school (Okay, 6th grade) when I had a pink blow-up chair in my room and I thought I was such a badass.
This one would also be nice because if there was a flood I could just strap myself inside of this and float to safety.
3) Three Piece Furniture Set
Won’t this look great in my living room! And if need be I can move it outside into the woods and it will totally blend in.
4) Car Decoration
I was just noticing how unimpressive and wimpy my car looks with only an air freshener as decoration.
And I can think of no better place than my rear view mirror to hang an eight pronged weapon that will swing around widely and eventually impale me.
5) Extreme Sun Protection.
In this day and age you can never be too careful!
It seems like the UV Buff Headware would be really flattering.