Waking up early for no reason or, “Unearned Pride: How to Acquire it”

I have always loved the idea of getting up early on days when I don’t have to and joining the exclusive (yet completely imaginary) club of early risers.  This false sense of accomplishment probably came from the summers that my cousins and I would spend at our grandparent’s beach house. During these visits, I would always strive to be one of the first to wake up because I enjoyed the solitude…. it also meant that I had first choice of breakfast cereal and got to decide what to watch on TV.

Because come on, there’s just nothing like that feeling of superiority you get when you’ve been up for awhile and you’re just hanging out, watching TV, and your family member/friend groggily walks down the stairs squinting and with hair that looks like they just stepped out of a wind tunnel. And you’re just there feeling fresh and enjoying your eyesight that has long adjusted to the light and you’re just like “Oh, hey, what’s up?  By the way there’s no more Lucky Charms, I finished them.  Nana said there is plenty of store brand shredded wheat left, though.  It’s in the box with the two years past expiration date. I hope you like the Cosby Show!”

Karl Lagerfeld fills in as Adele’s nutritionist

After months of silence, Karl Lagerfeld has finally shared his opinion on Adele’s physique.  That’s right, turn the google alert off, here it is:

“The thing at the moment is Adele. She is a little too fat, but she has a beautiful face and a divine voice.”

– Karl Lagerfeld, to Metro

So there you have it. Lagerfeld, the head designer and creative director for Chanel, thinks Adele is “a little too fat.”  Unfortunately we have no way of knowing what sort of weight loss plan Lagerfeld would recommend for Adele (note to self: set new Google Alert), as during the interview he preferred instead to share his opinions on racism in soccer, the ugliness of Russian men, and the walking bag of collagen that is Lana del Rey. (Full disclosure: I like her music, and that was an incredibly easy joke to make. I’d like to apologize to Ms. del Rey and anyone with a sense of humor.)

Well isn’t this just the pot calling the kettle something that no one care’s about the pot’s opinion on!  But one thing is true: Adele has to come to grips with the fact that she will never be able to fit into some of Lagerfield’s designs. Just look at what she’s missing out on:

Tri-Tiered Pantaloons

The “Sexy Asphalt” look

And finally, the classic “Street Urchin covered in moss and wearing a butterfly wing visor” look.