The latest take on forearm warmers

Have you recently learned how to knit?

Did you create some two toned, clashing, three piece set, the colors of which somehow do not attractively coordinate with any natural color of the rainbow? Does your child hate what you made? Do you beg them to wear it to school, but they say they’re too embarrassed?

Are you tired of their selfishness because, gosh, you know, you do so much for them and for once it would be great if they would just do something you said not because they wanted to but because it would make you happy? Do they still refuse? Do you threaten to take away TV, computer, and cellphone privileges and they still stand firm? And then even when you tell them that you will stop feeding them anything but bread and water and okay maybe some lunch meat for protein they still won’t wear it? And then you’re all okay well fine you have to have milk so you can continue to grow but nothing else and they STILL won’t wear your creation?

And then you’re like no you know what forget the milk and food *just water* because if you’re really hungry you will just wear what I goddamn made? And even when they’re too weak to get our of bed they somehow still have the strength to swat away the magenta/peach coordinating separates that you slaved over?

Here is what I have to say to everyone involved in this unfortunate situation

To whoever is responsible for what that poor girl is wearing: You have knitted one of the ugliest things I’ve ever seen in my life.  I would sooner eat that hat then wear it.

To the girl in the picture: You are clearly the victim of some questionable parenting.  If its any consolation, you seem like you are nice as well as good at blowing bubbles.

To Target Portrait Studios: Dammit, TPS!  First facelift baby and now this?  I just don’t understand why you take these weird pictures let alone PROUDLY DISPLAY THEM.

Target Portrait Studios are giving babies bad body image!!

Please click on the photo for improved eyebrow definition.


Remember when you were a baby and you had those amazing eyebrows that only Michelle Obama’s could rival?  And a face so expressive it could give strangers chills?  Remember when your elbows were strong enough to hold up your floppy, not-yet-muscularly-developed head and neck?

Also his butt looks big.