Why I don’t trust my Kindle’s recommendations

What I hoped it would be about

Um… something about a woman who goes on a three day mimosa bender, hopping around brunch places and stuffing her face with french toast and eggs Benedict.

What it is actually about

(Taken from the book’s description on Amazon.com)

One day can change your life forever…Three days change a painful past into a beautiful tomorrow… [Note: As far as I’m concerned, I could still be right.]

Once, Sam Perry had it all. A loving marriage, an amazing job she adored as a preschool teacher, and a beautiful home. [She sure sounds like a fan of mimosas!] She was safe, happy and secure. [Really, nothing placates a person like a couple glasses of fruity champagne.] Then the unthinkable happened… [She went to a brunch where she thought the mimosas were unlimited but really it was a pay per drink situation? …Okay, sorry.]  Watching his once carefree wife withdraw into herself was almost more than Brian Perry could handle. [What the – alright, before we introduce any new characters how about we get to the boozy brunch part?] The only thing that kept him going was knowing that he loved her more than life itself. [Have you ever had eggs Benedict with crab meat? Only asking because I might know how he feels.] Moving her out of New York to Chandlerville, a small, quiet suburb of Atlanta, felt right. [Um, wait, I’m not sure small towns really do mimosa brunches- ] Anything, to get her away from the memories of the buildings, and her world, crashing around her. [You know it seems like we’re really getting off track here. Tell us more about this Lane o’ Mimosas!]

Now, two sons and many years later, Sam cherishes the new life on Mimosa Lane that Brian built for them. [ WAIT. No! Mimosa Lane is literally the name of a street??]

Until lightning strikes twice… [Mention alcohol and/or breakfast next or I’m DONE.]

Called a hero by her small community, Sam feels more like a coward than ever. [Alright, that’s it. I’m not even going to- Oooh there’s an exciting noun in the next sentence!] Instinct draws her into an altercation at her children’s school—an instinct that also drives her away from the warm cocoon of her family. [I bet she fought a kid. Way to not appreciate your family’s warm cocoon, Sam!]

Brian refuses to lose his wife again. [Dear god! How many children has this woman fought??] He agrees to give her the space she asks for, but he soon realizes space isn’t something they and their children can afford. [You know what’s really affordable though? Try a four egg omelette, home fries, a mixed greens side salad, and UNLIMITED MIMOSAS for only $16.95. I’m just saying.] He knows their love can still conquer all. [Brian, I think she fought a kid though.] But this time he’ll need their entire community to help him win his wife back. [I’m guessing NOT with, like, a community-wide block party brunch?]