Off-Target and Forever Ugly

I haven’t posted on here in a while!  I guess I’ve been so busy with graduating, interning, and doing other things that I’m…I don’t know…happy about, I haven’t had the time to focus my cynical energy on the world around me.  Fortunately a recent shopping trip had renewed my contempt for all things retail.

First up is a piece of jewelry from Forever 21. 

But first: did you know that you are not allowed to take pictures inside Forever 21 stores?  My friends and I found this out when we were at the huge Forever 21 in Times Square, which has security guards galore who walk around with so much dignity you’d think they were guarding the freaking Hope Diamond. Anyhow, seconds after the headband with a football-sized bow attached to it was placed on my head, a sales person (most likely sensing the mockery that was about to occur) came over and informed us of their policy.  Feeling sympathy for Forever 21’s embarrassment over some of their merchandise, we respectfully complied.

There aren’t any security guards at the Forever 21 in my mall and I didn’t want to bother any of the frail young employees with my non-compliance, so rather than brazenly point my cellphone camera at the necklaces I decided to do some truly stellar acting and pretend to text while facing the necklaces.  “HEY TAKE AT LOOK AT THIS STUPID THING,” I pretended to text.

Oh good there's like fifty of them.

I’ve always just sort of accepted the weird jewelry that comprises half of the offerings of a Forever21 store because in addition to kooky stuff like this they also produce simple, elegant, inexpensive pieces (that I wear until they break two weeks after I buy them).  But a chair?  Wow, what a statement to make.   SO DARING.

I mean I guess we’re just picking nouns at random and turning them into jewelry?  I just…what kind of person wants a necklace with a chair charm?!  (Put your hands down)

The second thing is just that: a “thing.” Or as Target would prefer to call it, a “Foxtail Keychain.”

"Not a Keychain, not yet a Foxtail" (It's just trying to find the woman in it)

This is perfect for the person who hunts foxes and wants to be a little more “obvious” about it!  But seriously:

  1. That is far too long to be a keychain.
  2. That is far too short to be a foxtail (either real or of the “trend”)
  3. That is obviously a portable furry dildo

And so on that note….have a good one!


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